To speak or not to speak.
Have you faced this dilemma, to speak or not to speak, to say something or say nothing at all?
They’re quite the opposites, aren’t they?
For this post, I took an assessment to determine what my communication style is.
The result says:
My primary style is Direct, my secondary is Supportive.
At first glance, this combination seems like they’re opposites, Direct Style being the one who speaks up, while Supportive Style is the one who listens or doesn’t speak.
However, upon further reflection, I realized that they actually worked very well for me as a leader.
As Division G Director the last term, I got a lot of praise and some perhaps considered me a bodacious leader, because under my leadership division G transformed from being the second smallest division to the second largest in District 87, with a 65% increase in membership and chartered 4 new clubs by end January. Division G achieved President Distinguished Division for the first time since 2015-2016.
And as TLI Chairperson this term, I worked with almost 100 people in the TLI team and it went pretty smoothly.
It was attended by more than 600 people, received a satisfaction rating of 4.5, and was one of the easiest and most stress-free events I’ve ever organized.
You are probably curious about HOW we did it.
If someone had asked me how did these successes were achieved a week ago, I probably would give you some generic and very general answer. I would say… we liked each other, we embraced the challenges, and the team was driven and self-motivated.
But after I learned about the different communication styles, understand each of their upsides and downsides, as well as how to communicate with people with different styles, it started to make sense, and I can explain the success more clearly, therefore anyone can replicate the successes I achieved by applying these principles.
Now let’s look at my two communication styles:
Direct Style:
Some people perceive me as blunt and strong-willed, but I quite like my direct and decisive communication style.
Don’t you love it when people communicate clearly, concisely, and quickly? Without misinterpretation and misunderstanding?
I love it…
So I also try to be clear, concise, and get to the point quickly, not beating around the bush, when I am communicating as a leader.
That’s all about my direct communication style.
I mainly use it when I’m sharing a vision and when I’m persuading people to join my team.
Supportive Style:
NOW What about my supportive communication style?
While I’m not known for being patient and slow-paced, and some would even find me approachable, I love listening to people. Maybe that’s why I choose to be a life coach.
I’m always curious about people’s stories: what their needs, longings, and dreams are, and ultimately, what made them the way they are.
So I listen more and speak less when I want to get to know my team members.
I try to know them first before giving them their jobs.
I learned that when we know what people want, need, and wish for it's a lot easier to match them to the jobs available.
I also learned that when what they do meet their needs and give them personal benefits,
they would be more motivated to do it, and they would be more open to the challenges we give them.
Then once the team is formed and working, I use my directive style less and use the supportive style more, Usually by asking questions to clarify things, to get team members to figure out the solutions, and to invite innovative and more effective ways.
Don’t what I just shared about my communication styles sound so bodacious?
And don’t you just hate it when someone goes on and on about how great their life is?
I do …
Well, friends...
It hasn’t always been beds of roses…
There were many challenges along the way, when not only other people didn’t like or resent me, I also didn’t like me as a leader.
Luckily I have age on my side.
At almost 60 years old, I have had many years to make mistakes, and also many years to learn from and correct my mistakes.
This is where my supportive style comes in.
Even though I love being direct, I also love relaxed, no tension, and close personal relationships.
And above all, I want truth and honesty.
So if and when my direct communication creates tension and discomfort, we all can feel it when there’s tension in the room, right? I would apologize and invite everyone to speak openly and honestly to air their grievances and unhappiness.
Always, always, the atmosphere was lighter afterward
So I conclude that the Directive and Supportive communication styles do not oppose each other.
Understand what works, when it works, and to whom it will work, and I promise you, you will always achieve bodacious results.
So remember,
Know when to speak, and know when NOT to speak
